Having touched upon some of the ways in which parental love or its lack thereof may influence the development of self-discipline in general, let's be real and look at some of the more subtle yet quite devasting ways in which difficulties in delaying relief or satisfaction affect the lives of most adults. Some of us have developed sufficient capacity to forego self-satisfaction to make it through high school or college and launch out upon adulthood without landing in jail, our development nonetheless tends to be imperfect and flawed with the results that our ability to solve life's problems is still imperfect and at best incomplete. Seriously, who among us can say that they devoted ample time to analyzing their children's problems or tensions within the family? Who out there is so self-disciplined that he or she never says in the face of family problems, "this is way beyond me!"
Listen, there is a bigger flaw in the approach to problem-solving and its more destructive than our inadequate attempts to find instant answers and believe it or not, it's universal. What is it? I'm glad you asked, it is the hope that problems will go away or disappear of their own accord.
Look, I've been on this planet for a minute, take it from me or not, but if you hadn't noticed...problems don't just disappear, vanish, or go away! They don't fix themselves. If you don't deal with it today, it will be there tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month, have you got the picture? Oh, and just for the record, some problems left unchecked do escalate! Problems must be dealt with or faced head on and worked through or else they remain forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit. This inclination to ignore problems is once again a simple unwillingness to delay gratification.
Confronting problems is usually very painful. To be proactive and confront a problem early on before we are forced to confront it by circumstances, means we must set aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful. It is choosing to suffer now in the hope of future satisfaction rather than choosing to continue in the hope that future sufferings will not be required.
I like to think of parents as executives and despite the fact that they are usually ill-prepared for it, their tasks can be every bit as complex as directing a major corporation. Sadly, like many corporate executives, most parents will perceive problems in their children or their relationships with their children for months or years before they take any affective action, if they ever do...at all. With all respect for the complexities of parenting, it must be said that parental decisions are also difficult. In all fairness, we can say that in many cases children grow out of their delinquent behavior. But it almost never hurts to try to help them grow out of it or to look more intently at the root cause of the problem. And while some children often grow out of this deviant behavior, often they do not; and as with so many problems, the longer these problems are ignored, the larger they become and the more painful and difficult they are to resolve.
We cannot alleviate our sons and daughters' problems unless we solve them. This statement may seem self-evident, yet it seems to be beyond the comprehension of much of the human race. I fully believe this is due to the fact that we must accept responsibility for a problem before we can dive in and attempt to solve it. You will never solve a problem by saying, "it's not my problem!" We won't solve a problem by hoping someone else will solve it for us or do nothing and just hope it goes away! Dad, mom, the only way you can solve a problem is to take responsibility for it and determine it's up to me to resolve it. Come on people...snap out of it! We are way past the point of finger pointing or blaming one side of the family or the other! Your sons are killing people and each other. Our streets are becoming drenched with the blood of the innocent! I pray that this will never happen but, this will become "surreal" unfortunately when it hits close to home.
Hey...news bulletin! It's easier to take the path of least resistance and simply turn our heads, close our ears, cover our eyes, and declare "it's not my problem!"
Add comment
Comments