I've shared tidbits of information on family dynamics, the importance of structure and how this aids in the development of these young boys and men. However, I don't want to be remiss in not giving credit to single mothers who have given the gift of life to and single-handedly raised some awesome young men. It is not my intention to profile single mothers as failures, because in many cases this is not true. During my sports years, I played with several such guys, met their mothers and established some long lasting relationships with them even up to this moment. I say to the ladies out there whoever and wherever you are, you deserve all the praise and honor you get! Continue to strive on!
With that being said, boys still need a good man in their lives. Whether it's an uncle, cousin, older brother, a mentor from church or a good friend of the family from down the street, boys need a good man in their lives as a role model in the absence of a dad. Moms as difficult as it may be, please support and nurture you son's relationship with his dad. Problems may exist between you, your ex or significant other but as parents they should not conflict with family dynamics. Your child could really use you both.
Here are some seeds for thought. If you are a single mother, learn all you can about boys. Boys are wired a bit different than girls. They don't think like girls. Girls mature in most cases faster than boys. Boys handle hurt and anger differently. Boys will pin up aggressions and all of a sudden explode and you never see it coming. This is why it's good for boys to be around their dads or at least a good man they can bond with. Boys tend to hide their true feelings or emotions. Some boys are seen as introverted, and most important of all, if you're not a part of their world, you never know what they are thinking. Being around other good men will help to open lines of dialog and foster a bond of trust. This is crucial in the lives of young boys. If you can, get them involved in cub scouts, boy scouts, and the explorers as well as many other available groups. This is a pivotal time when the scales of self destruction with the proper nurturing can be tipped in a positive direction.
Moms, never, never, ever tell your son that, "he's the man of the house!" Telling your son this, just stripped him of all normal childhood and adolescent development. You've unknowingly placed a burden on shoulders that are barely strong enough to hold up a Hane's tee-shirt. He's not the man of the house, he's your son. He's not nor should he be placed in a position of key decisions. He's not the sole provider nor is he paying all the bills. I am sure the statement was meant to be harmless, but left unchecked, it could create a major division in the home, if in the future another man enters the picture. Can you see where this could go? Can you imagine the resentment and hostility this could unleash. Remember the power of life and death are in the tongue.
Mom, it's not about fault, it's all about the future!
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